i mean, who doesn't have them?

of course, i'm talking about pet peeves. those little things that people do that just make you want to scream "YOU'RE AN IDIOT" and then kick a baby. here, for your enjoyment, is a list of a few of mine:

1) using nicknames that you did not make up. one of my best friends has a nickname that her family gave her, and it's nothing close to her actual name (things like hanna banana cannot be helped). so why do new friends of hers that hear her family nickname call her that?? the only people who call her that are related to her... you are not related... take a hint.

2) "natural flexibility." almost nothing drives me crazier than seeing a comment on a picture of someone doing the splits that goes along the lines of "wow, you're so lucky that you're naturally flexible!" with the exception of gumby and people born without bones, no one wakes up in the morning and says, "i think i'm going to touch my foot to the back of my head today." ask anyone that you see doing an amazing pose--odds are they have been/are a dancer, gymnast, yogi, porn star, etc. these people have been active and stretch regularly, therefore giving them the ability to turn into a human pretzel at any moment. it's not magic, people, it's dedication. give a girl some credit.

3) thinking you have the magic touch and can fix something i've been trying to fix for an hour. "did you try turning it off?" oh, you don't say! there's a power button on this thing! wow, i never thought of that... ARE YOU JOKING?? of course i tried turning it off, holding this button, pressing that, and throwing it to the ground. clearly, nothing has worked so far. but thank you for alerting me to the most direct way to make something work. unless you invented the iPhone and know that it will recognize you and call you mother, please don't tell me to hold the power button.

4) guys who try to start heartfelt conversations at dance clubs. do they really think i came to a place where i cannot hear myself screaming to talk about common interests with a stranger? i can almost guarantee that most girls are there to dance. yes, clubs can be a good spot to pick someone up. but that doesn't mean you should be trying to find your soulmate. who wants to say to their grandchildren, "yes, i met your grandfather at club x in san francisco. i was really drunk and sweaty and right as i started grinding my butt into some stranger's pelvis, he bent down and screamed 'YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND? WHERE ARE YOU FROM? WHAT ABOUT YOUR PARENTS?' and that's when i knew we would be together forever." so guys, please realize that as much as i wish i knew what you were saying, i feel as though this bass is shaking my soul, so i really, really cannot understand you.

ahhhh, much better. a little ranting does the complexion good. and now i encourage you to recognize your pet peeves when they present themselves, then really enjoy your rage.